STAY

I really need to play catch up on our summer so far, but haven't found the time between filling in for work this summer for a maternity leave, starting up my KEEP Collective business, and my photography business! Not sure what I was thinking, but neddless to say I am BUSY!!


It's pouring down rain and it's Sunday, so that means a slower day for us in general! I helped out with Adventure Week after church and when I got home the kids were resting, so just perfect timing to write this after feeling a tug at church this morning.

It's no secret that I have not been a huge fan of Terre Haute and I was "one of those" people who said I had a plan of staying her for a MAX of 5 years! Well...it's been 9 and we are still here! We've had friends come and go and each time one leaves, I get jealous of them and their ability to get out of here! Terre Haute is not a bad place, I actually don't mind it, BUT it's not where I wanted to be...not really sure where I want to be, but I just don't necessarily want to be here. Since the Vandivers recently moved and now the Cosbys aren't far behind them, I've been feeling more and more unhappy, probably more angry with God that we are still here! I pray often for God to direct my life (our life) to the purpose and direction we are meant to be and clarity in that direction! Since leaving my job to be a work-at-home mom for a while, I struggle daily with my purpose. I often (daily) don't feel like I'm good enough for my photography (even though business seems to have picked up a little bit this summer) or measure up to the mom I'm supposed to be. I don't feel the passion for my OT job in this point in my life...don't get me wrong, I still love helping others, but I just don't know that I love using my skills as a traditional OT...I feel like I need to do something else, something different, but have no idea what. I recently found KEEP Collective and actually LOVE it...a LOT, but building a direct sales business is a little outside of my comfort zone because I don't consider myself a salesperson. However, I love that I can design pieces of jewelry that are MEANINGFUL for others...seriously, my favorite part about KEEP!

In church, I took a hiatus of serving with the preschoolers after Austin was born, then returned in the Spring, but quickly decided after one Sunday back that I wasn't supposed to be serving there right now, but not sure where I'm supposed to serve. I guess I just feel a little bit lost here in this stage of my life. Maybe I am supposed to just focus on being a mom/wife, etc, but my personality has always been to work hard and look for opportunities to better myself/situation and for me, right now, I'm just not sure what direction God is taking me at the moment. I know I need to just trust in Him as he knows where/what I'm supposed to be doing, but I like to KNOW and waiting is not my forte!

Since my BFF left town, I've had many conversations with her about how much I miss them and how unhappy I'm feeling, as well as Bobby noticing a huge change in my attitude! I know I'm not in the best state of mind...I see it in myself too! So, I have just been praying to God to bring clarity and direction to my life, asking him to basically give me a glimpse into what I should/need to be doing! Should we move? If yes, where? Although I'd LOVE to be closer to our friends, I'm not a humid, crazy heat kind of girl, plus we would be FAR away from family (and my mom would probably disown me LOL), or move closer to family, which has never been a desire of Bobby nor mine to move back up to the South Bend area (nothing negative, just don't see ourselves there either), or are we just supposed to STAY where we are at?!

So, before church this morning, feeling down and aggravated that I'm still stuck in Terre Haute with "no friends" (we have friends here don't get me wrong, but not those that we hung out with weekly)...the friends we have here so far have not turned into those deep friendships that become your "tribe." You know...the ones you just DO LIFE with! I prayed my same prayer for God to give me clarity and direction of what my purpose is and where I'm supposed to be...hoping/praying that God would line up a great job for Bobby somewhere awesome that would be perfect for our family and get us out of Terre Haute!

Guess what the message was titled this morning: "Love Where You Are"...and what was it about?!

STAYING where you are (where God has put you)

The message was based out of Jeremiah 29 where Gods people go to Babylon (a place where God's people did not want to be and did not want to plant roots or invest in the city because they were only going to stay for a little bit and then go back to Jerusalem where they thought they should be) and God clearly tells them to settle down in Babylon and plant roots, have kids/grandkids and call Babylon home. Also to seek peace and prosperity of the city and pray for the well-being and if things go well for Babylon, thing would also go well for them. So, just insert Terre Haute into wherever I put Babylon.

While listening to Dan Gisel deliver this message I could only think about God's sense of humor! I don't feel God speak to me daily or sometimes even monthly and the last time I really felt God's word directed toward me perfectly was before I went to Nicaragua when I was deciding whether or not I was supposed to go.

Ugh...that's what I was thinking during the message, like really God, really?! You want me to STAY in Terre Haute?! That is totally NOT the answer I wanted to hear...at all! But, doesn't that happen a lot with God, what you may want isn't necessarily what God wants for you?!

So, as I digest the words God spoke this morning and as I laugh at him in my prayers...I will continue to ask him for clarity and direction if we are truly supposed to establish roots in Terre Haute because you know I have to make God prove it to me more than in just one message...haha! If Terre Haute is truly where we are supposed to be, I also pray that God let's me find joy and purpose in our lives here because I have been struggling with that for a long time! God sure has a sense of humor and now I just have to trust in Him.

If this message was truly directed to me...I guess I better start loving Terre Haute...ugh! If we aren't supposed to STAY in Terre Haute, I pray that God brings us opportunities that place us where we are meant to be!