Bad Attitude Mom Today

I'm not quite sure where my bad attitude started because I woke up just fine, served at church with the pre-K kiddos, then came home and it all went downhill from there! Last night, however, when we came home from some friends' house and I went into our closet, the top shelf on my side and busted completely off the wall, ripping holes in the drywall. I had one tote on the top shelf, but it had been there for MONTHS!  I was really annoyed about that even though I'm not even the one that would be fixing it, Bobby would. So why was it such a huge deal to me?!  Probably just the inconvenience and I like to have as much control of situations as I can. Or maybe it came from the constant screaming, fighting, non-listener girls we had running around our house like tornadoes?!

Bobby stayed home this morning and watched the live stream of our church service. Aubrey stayed home and Natalie came with me because she really loves Miss Roxie that is in her 2 year old classroom. Natalie did great at the drop-off, didn't even throw a little fit because Miss Roxie was right there to welcome her!  I love that Natalie enjoys going to church and she often sings 'Jesus Loves Me' and 'This Little Light of Mine.' However, if you ask her what she learned, she usually responds with 'Toys' or 'Play.' The kiddos in my little group were good...no trouble makers!

When we got home, Aubrey was taking a short nap, then we ate lunch. The girls stayed up a little later past their regular "naptime" and "quiet time" since Aubrey had just taken a quick nap. Natalie never naps at home, or I should say it is RARE. Bobby started instilling "quiet time" for her where she can sit in her room and play quietly during the time that should be naptime. Even though when she takes a nap either at home or daycare during the day, she's up SO LATE at night, there are many days...I will say MOST, that you can tell she NEEDS to take a nap because she won't listen, she whines, etc. We haven't found the magical formula and I'm sure even if we did, the whole situation would change again the next day.

During her quiet time today (and a lot of days) she was in and out of her room SEVERAL times for various reasons...she can come up with about every excuse in the book as to why she doesn't need to be in her room.

Bobby was working on patching drywall in the closet and I was in the office downstairs making stuff up for her birthday party. Aubrey finally took a nap, but she was screeching this high-pitched, HORRENDOUS sound, as she does way too often...it's ear-piercing! While Aubrey was doing that, all I could hear is a small child trampling through the house that was supposed to be having "quiet time." However, that didn't even bother me a ton since I was downstairs anyway. What REALLY bothered me today was walking into Natalie's room with every single conceivable toy (most that have a MILLION pieces) strewn throughout her room!  Of course, she acts as though she can't hear or comprehend when I say "You need to pick up your toys!"  This is a constant battle with her!  We've taken many of her toys away, but she has SO many and there are toys ALL OVER our house, that us taking away a 31-gallon tote FULL of toys doesn't even seem to matter to her!  I can't even begin to express how much this infuriates me!  I hate toys!!!!

So, today I finally had it!  At daycare she puts away one toy before she gets out another, but when she's at home she presses every single button I have, and I just get angry and I don't want to be mean to her or give her timeouts or spank her or take away her toys, but being nice doesn't seem to matter either. Instead of going for my run, I started rearranging the girls' rooms so that they now share a room and have a playroom. I understand that I will still have the problem with having to pick up toys and have a 3 year old that doesn't want to listen and a 1.5 year old that just wants to screech all the time, but it seemed rational to me today, in the moment, that rearranging their rooms was a good idea. I knew that it was either going to be the best idea or the absolute worst and only time will tell how well everyone adjusts to these changes. It was an easy switch besides having to take Natalie's bed completely apart!  Bobby finished the job because I was too irritated with the fact that it was going to take more time than I first thought to do the switch because it wouldn't fit through the door.

My hopes are that with this change, Natalie will not have the opportunity to get every single book off her shelf or get every single little people she owns to be in her bed or every single puzzle piece to be strewn throughout the room during "quiet time." I hope the girls will go to sleep well, tonight worked out well because Natalie was exhausted and allowed me to rock her to sleep (but of course she had to have a battle with me...nothing can ever be simple and sweet...instead she has to get worked up and I have to get worked up before she finally gives up). Aubrey I already knew, but it's worse tonight since I don't want her to wake up Natalie, is a good routine sleeper, but she must have night terrors, bad dreams...something...because she wakes up a lot with her high-pitched screech/cry, but is easy to redirect back to sleep.  If it doesn't work, we can always switch them back, but for now that's going to be the way it is!

I lost my temper a lot today and to my girls and Bobby, I apologize. Being a mom and wife is hard!  I am horrible with patience and they tried my patience a lot today, enough to make me into a mean mommy!  Enough that Bobby told me to just go out for a run to get away and he didn't care that I was wearing all black and it would be dark by the time I got home (maybe that was his plan...just kidding!). During my run, I sprained each ankle on separate occasions which hurt!  I decided after spraining my left ankle (same one I sprained a couple weeks ago) that I would run without music (I hate running without music but it was sort of therapeutic in a way) so I wouldn't be distracted and just try to talk with God. I have a really hard time listening to God and having him direct me in my life (control issues...see above!).

I have been trying to work really hard on being more healthy with exercise (trying out Jillian Michaels Body Revolution program and running (as long as I don't break something the next time I'm out) and food intake (doing the Advocare cleanse again and using MyFitnessPal to track the food I eat). However, I have come to realize that I need to also focus on being a better mom by spending more quality time with the girls, so my goal is going to be only checking the computer when the girls are napping/sleeping/having quiet time (this will be really hard for me, but I know I need to do this). I also need to focus more on God...yeah I go to church on Sundays, but that's not enough. I know I need to read my Bible daily and pray/talk to God more often! We are doing a bible study at church starting this Thursday, so that will definitely help, but I need to learn how to listen for God and have him direct me in life by giving up control.  Overall, I just want to work on being a better mom, wife, friend, daughter, sister, etc in 2014 and for the rest of my life.

Sorry for the long post, but I really wanted to get this written so looking back, my girls can hopefully reflect on this when they are moms and know that you aren't always going to have it all together and you will fail, like we all do!  However, you can wake up and try to do better tomorrow!